Forgiveness

I was reading the message last night and it quoted grace as aggressive forgiveness, I like that.

why is it so hard to forgive ourselves for the things we've done? its harder than forgiving others, even when they've done the same things and caused the same hurts that you have. When I was talking with G this morning and working through some tough stuff, I was suprised how much clarity that I had to speak to G about this. We came up with some pictures to describe where my heart's at:

Part of what I have to forgive in myself is impurity. I had this picture of the innocent middle-schooler me, who had just signed a youth group purity commitment. As this young me, I'm ready to through the stone at the now me, condemming myself as a slut and the worst kind of girl. I guess by my middle-school definition I am a slut, and I don't like that word or use it lightly. It's so hard to forgive myself.

The other picture G and I came up with was me in a pit. You know how we have peaks and valleys in our spiritual lives, well in the valley there are pits, that kind of pit. So I'm in this pit and I've got my rock ready to stone myself for what I've done, and there's God. I can see God's hand reaching down for me to help me out of the pit. But I'm like, "Where are we going? Where do you want to take me? It's scary up there (out of the pit)." And God tells me, "Now, I could pull you up with one hand, but it'd be better if you let go of that rock, you're gonna hurt yourself there."

I need to muster up the courage to grab God's strong hand and trust in his grace (aggresive forgiveness) or this will never get better; this cycle of stagnation with the Lord. You know how if water isn't moving it get's scummy, that kind of stagnant. He wants more from me and I need to ask and create some courage to make it happen.